Friday, June 27, 2008
Olivia is here!
Our newest neice is here. Born June 26, 2008. Meet Olivia (this is Dan's youngest sister's little girl) and her full head of hair:
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
HOOORAAAYYY!!!!!
This needs very little introduction. This video was taken on June 24, 2008. Happy 2nd birthday to cousin Isabella!
Friday, June 20, 2008
I figured it out...I think. But maybe I'm wrong...I'm not sure...
Warning: a lot of this is me thinking "out loud" (or perhaps "thinking in type" is the way to phrase it) and may not be coherent.
So we've been parents for a year now and it's taken me that long for the lightbulb to switch on. I never could figure out why some parents just couldn't be consistent in their child-rearing. I mean, it seems so easy. When you're a non-parent and you see parents not disciplining their children the way you think they ought to or you see children behaving a way they ought not to, you tend to think things like "my kids will never do that," or "I would never allow my child to say that to me," or "What the heck is that mother thinking?" or "why would she reward that kid for screaming by giving him a candy bar?!"
Here's what I think has happened. Parents (especially me) are freaked out by the responsibility of raising their children. Nobody wants to be that parent. Nobody wants to have that kid. Likewise, very few people have the proper equipment / training / experience it takes to be CONFIDENT in their parenting techniques! I'm blessed to know some mothers who are very confident (and rightly so) in how they discipline their kids and the boundaries they set for them. But I tend to fall into the scaredy-cat category. It takes a lot of wisdom and foresight to be able to know what type of parenting will give your child the best chance of growing up to be a productive, responsible, likeable member of society. It's easy to know what characteristics you don't want to foster in your child. It's not so easy to know in the heat of the moment what your actions should be in order to discourage unfavorable behavior.
Case in point: We're trying to wean Vincent from his pacifier. It has served its purpose through his infancy and we are glad that it was useful for him. I am fully convinced that allowing him to use a paci has been the best thing for him: He needed that sucking sensation when he was little. Now that he's bigger though, we know that it will only get harder to separate him from it as he gets older. We know that allowing him to keep it could cause speech problems, tooth development problems, as well as unnecessary attachment issues. We have successfully (and without much effort, to be honest) gotten him to give it up throughout the day. The only time he really wants it is at naptime/bedtime. Over the last couple of days we have successfully gotten him to give it up even then. There have been some tears, but usually not more than 10-15 minutes at a time. So then I'm thinking, "Great! We're there. No more paci." But now he's napping for about half the time that he usually does and he's up a lot earlier because he doesn't have the paci to put himself back to sleep. This is the kind of thing that makes me unconfident (is that a word? It seems wrong) in my parenting strategies. Then I'm torn because I know he can sleep more than he is and I want him to do that even if it takes giving him a paci. But I hear that taking it from him 6 months from now or even a year from now could be even harder. To me each side is a valid concern. So then I begin to ask myself, "do I forfeit my consistency for the sake of Vincent's sleep or do I allow him to get a little less sleep than he normally would?" The answer is "no." I won't forfeit consistency. In all likelihood he will work himself back into a sleep schedule that is similar to the one we all like the best. And even if he doesn't, he still gets about 12 hours of sleep per day, which is on the high side of what the pediatrician recommended.
For now, the lessons I want Vince to learn are: 1: Mommy and Daddy are the bosses. 2: He is getting to be a big boy now and he is very much able to soothe himself to sleep. 3:Crying does not change Mommy's mind. 4: His teeth and speech are important and Mommy and Daddy want to make sure he grows well. If I keep our parenting goals at the front of my mind, the decisions that seem so difficult to make suddenly become quite easy. The difficulty comes in when Dan and I don't have clear goals set. The "let's try it and see" theory is very dangerous territory. It allows for way too much inconsistency. I've realized that's why parental confidence is crucial. If I can just have confidence in our decisions, I will be more likely to stick with carrying them out, no matter how hard the task. I am convinced that at Vincent's early age, he is not being deliberately manipulative...BUT I am also convinced that he is testing the waters right now. He wants to find out at what point I might break (I am determined not to).
When I find myself conflicted like I was with the paci, it helps me realize that other parents must be conflicted when their children are misbehaving, or doing whatever it is that used to cause me to raise my eyebrows in disbelief or disapproval. We are trained to make goals and have semi-annual reviews in the corporate world. Maybe it's time we start making goals and setting objectives where it really matters: in our homes. Then we might find parenting just a bit easier and less confusing. Maybe then we'll have the confidence we need in order to produce the results we desire.
So we've been parents for a year now and it's taken me that long for the lightbulb to switch on. I never could figure out why some parents just couldn't be consistent in their child-rearing. I mean, it seems so easy. When you're a non-parent and you see parents not disciplining their children the way you think they ought to or you see children behaving a way they ought not to, you tend to think things like "my kids will never do that," or "I would never allow my child to say that to me," or "What the heck is that mother thinking?" or "why would she reward that kid for screaming by giving him a candy bar?!"
Here's what I think has happened. Parents (especially me) are freaked out by the responsibility of raising their children. Nobody wants to be that parent. Nobody wants to have that kid. Likewise, very few people have the proper equipment / training / experience it takes to be CONFIDENT in their parenting techniques! I'm blessed to know some mothers who are very confident (and rightly so) in how they discipline their kids and the boundaries they set for them. But I tend to fall into the scaredy-cat category. It takes a lot of wisdom and foresight to be able to know what type of parenting will give your child the best chance of growing up to be a productive, responsible, likeable member of society. It's easy to know what characteristics you don't want to foster in your child. It's not so easy to know in the heat of the moment what your actions should be in order to discourage unfavorable behavior.
Case in point: We're trying to wean Vincent from his pacifier. It has served its purpose through his infancy and we are glad that it was useful for him. I am fully convinced that allowing him to use a paci has been the best thing for him: He needed that sucking sensation when he was little. Now that he's bigger though, we know that it will only get harder to separate him from it as he gets older. We know that allowing him to keep it could cause speech problems, tooth development problems, as well as unnecessary attachment issues. We have successfully (and without much effort, to be honest) gotten him to give it up throughout the day. The only time he really wants it is at naptime/bedtime. Over the last couple of days we have successfully gotten him to give it up even then. There have been some tears, but usually not more than 10-15 minutes at a time. So then I'm thinking, "Great! We're there. No more paci." But now he's napping for about half the time that he usually does and he's up a lot earlier because he doesn't have the paci to put himself back to sleep. This is the kind of thing that makes me unconfident (is that a word? It seems wrong) in my parenting strategies. Then I'm torn because I know he can sleep more than he is and I want him to do that even if it takes giving him a paci. But I hear that taking it from him 6 months from now or even a year from now could be even harder. To me each side is a valid concern. So then I begin to ask myself, "do I forfeit my consistency for the sake of Vincent's sleep or do I allow him to get a little less sleep than he normally would?" The answer is "no." I won't forfeit consistency. In all likelihood he will work himself back into a sleep schedule that is similar to the one we all like the best. And even if he doesn't, he still gets about 12 hours of sleep per day, which is on the high side of what the pediatrician recommended.
For now, the lessons I want Vince to learn are: 1: Mommy and Daddy are the bosses. 2: He is getting to be a big boy now and he is very much able to soothe himself to sleep. 3:Crying does not change Mommy's mind. 4: His teeth and speech are important and Mommy and Daddy want to make sure he grows well. If I keep our parenting goals at the front of my mind, the decisions that seem so difficult to make suddenly become quite easy. The difficulty comes in when Dan and I don't have clear goals set. The "let's try it and see" theory is very dangerous territory. It allows for way too much inconsistency. I've realized that's why parental confidence is crucial. If I can just have confidence in our decisions, I will be more likely to stick with carrying them out, no matter how hard the task. I am convinced that at Vincent's early age, he is not being deliberately manipulative...BUT I am also convinced that he is testing the waters right now. He wants to find out at what point I might break (I am determined not to).
When I find myself conflicted like I was with the paci, it helps me realize that other parents must be conflicted when their children are misbehaving, or doing whatever it is that used to cause me to raise my eyebrows in disbelief or disapproval. We are trained to make goals and have semi-annual reviews in the corporate world. Maybe it's time we start making goals and setting objectives where it really matters: in our homes. Then we might find parenting just a bit easier and less confusing. Maybe then we'll have the confidence we need in order to produce the results we desire.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
19-20 week comparison
I meant to take a picture sooner, but I kept forgetting. So here's the closest I can get. I have a pic of when I was 19 weeks pg with Vince and a pic of me almost 20 weeks pg with baby #2. Which do you think is bigger? See poll to the left (There's a shadow in both photos, which is why I don't like to take pics right there in the dining room, but I wanted the pics to be as similar as possible.) 
19 weeks with Vince
20 weeks with Baby #2
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
SOLD! (Not the house)
Here's Vincent's first and last motorcycle "ride" with Daddy. We sold our motorcycle on Saturday. Dan couldn't quite bring himself to smile for the photo.
Monday, June 16, 2008
BIRTHDAY BOY!!!!
The birthday weekend started off with a haircut because Vince had a little baby mullet. The guard on the clippers accidentally "slipped" during the cut and we had to take him to Fade 'Em barber shop so that Jamont could hook him up with a clean fade.
Here's my baby before the "incident":
Profile shot of the mullet:
Doing great so far...
The "Fixer" and his lovely assistant:
The rest of the weekend is mostly a blur. It was really fast. Sunday the little man got lots of fun presents and had a lot of fun playing with cousins and friends.
He wasn't sure what to do with his cake at first. I think he was confused because I have never put anything in front of him that wasn't already cut up into little peices for him.
He did finally get the hang of it, though. He's his mother's son, after all...
I saw some other folks taking a lot of good photos that I didn't get shots of, so if anyone wants to email them to me, please do. We'd love to have some more pics for Vince's photo album.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Sweet and Sour
I've found that Vincent's extremes offset each other pretty well. There is a precious, cuddly side that I just can't get enough of.
He usually even gives me a head-on-my-shoulder-hug afterwards too. I love it!
Then there's the other side. For some reason I picture myself doing the exact same stuff at his age...I might even have subconscious memories of it. It's unbelievable how much he looks like me in the face when he's doing this:
We tend to think that a child who throws tantrums is a sign of bad parenting. But I prefer to think it's the way a parent deals with the tantrum that shows whether the parenting style is effective or not. That episode was last night, but this morning was even more interesting. He did this on the kitchen floor for about 5 minutes while I sat in the den eating my breakfast, waiting for him to finish so we could leave.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
